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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.