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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.