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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.