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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....