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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I give myself the best presents.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.