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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
I drink because people talk.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?