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I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.