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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.