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I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside