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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.