Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.