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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.