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I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.