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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.