Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?