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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.