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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I`m tired of things costing money
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.