Daily Silly Status

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?

All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.

"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo

Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.

Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.

I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com

Gun Control: Use both hands

"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams

I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!

I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move

So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.

I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!

Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.

If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did

Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.