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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .