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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.