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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Vodka is just amazing water.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.