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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know