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I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
wants to rock and roll all night
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.