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They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.