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I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!!!!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".