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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I just awesomed all over the place.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...