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You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.