Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats