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As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools