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I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?