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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...