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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.