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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.