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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch