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A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.