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It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
The best things in life require no pants.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5