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Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.