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Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I dare you to spit on this status.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.