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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug