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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?