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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.