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I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...