Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like β€œHey guys!” & another that’s like β€œI will end you!”
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?