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I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
awesome collection!
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.