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Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.