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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Running behind is my cardio.