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Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Sometimes you just have to logout...
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.