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My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.