Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
"Iām not drunk!ā is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.