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It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?