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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.