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I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
I want it all and I want it delivered.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.