Daily Silly Status

I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.

Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.

Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.

Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!

The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”

I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.

Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky

sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"

Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?

It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop

There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(

“The darndest things.” -kids

The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.

I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.

I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.