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There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do