Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.