Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.