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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
2 words, 1 finger.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/