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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.