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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Serving size ?? LMAO
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
If the shoe fits, buy it.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.