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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.