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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
Match dot com, but for socks.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...