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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.