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It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I grew up for this?
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.