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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.