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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.