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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
“I saw that.” -Karma
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.