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People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"