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I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.