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Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.