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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!