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My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`