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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa