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It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Well, the people outside are frightful.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?