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What number SPF blocks people?
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.