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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.