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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.