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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.