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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.