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Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.