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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she`ll call security.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.