Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.