Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...