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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.