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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.