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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.