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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge