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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?