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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
If Iām ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.