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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Vodka is just amazing water.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw